Ok… another child free night (this is becoming a habit) and another movie to watch. This time it was The 7 Deadly Sins from Vivid.
Before I start on the movie, let me say a few words about the DVD menu. The first word I would like to say is lame. You can either select the various functions (play feature, scenes etc) from the menu or you can select the special arrow to enter the “virtual reality environment”. This consists of a poorly rendered marble hallway that you move through in a really clumsy and annoying fashion using the arrow buttons on the DVD remote. You can go through various badly drawn doors that let you access the same functions as the menu but in a much slower and harder to use way. Lame. L. A. M. E. Lame.
Now for the movie. As the title suggests this one relates to the 7 deadly sins. 7 sins. 7 scenes. All linked together by mini sermons from a televangelist style preacher and his card trick doing sidekick. Each scene winds up with something nasty happening to the sinner.
Notable scenes –
Envy where she is apparently supposed to be fucking herself with a large strapon was pretty well done (and by fucking herself I don’t mean using her hands to do herself with the dildo, I mean she was bent over a chair while another copy of her fucked her with the strapon and did some other girl-girl stuff). There was some slightly dubious bluescreen stuff right in the beginning in the bit that was apparently set in some adult industry show but other than that they cut her and the body double together pretty well. I hope they both got double pay for having to do the scene twice. I also have to say that pornstars look very different without the makeup and wigs. To be honest I preferred the natural version.
Lust had us both laughing. She is so horny that she is imagining being fucked by everyone she sees (haven’t we all had days like that) and ends up doing herself with a cucumber in a supermarket car park, oblivious to the crowd of onlookers. Being run over by a truck was perhaps a little harsh for punishment.
Sloth was another funny one. A gigolo fucking a girl who was just sitting there watching TV and eating chips while he banged away and her horny internal self tried desperately to get off before the guy got tired and gave up. Having the internal self force her way out alien style in the end was just plain weird.
Anger. Meh. I don’t really get off on the whole shut your mouth you filthy whore stuff but it was only a short scene so that’s OK. Actually all the scenes were pretty short. 7 scenes. Just on 90 minutes. That’s a good length.
Gluttony was weird. I couldn’t help wondering whether Mrs Dave and I were going to end up like the old jaded couple in a few of years. The girls getting smeared with food didn’t do much for me. But again a short scene so that’s OK. Actually the footage they played as a background for the food smearing girls looked much more interesting than the food smearing. I wonder where it was from.
Pride – I think they got confused and mixed up pride and vanity but what the heck. Another funny scene. She ends up getting arrested fondling herself in public.
Greed. Funny again. He bites off more than he (the preacher who has been linking all the other scenes together) can chew and ends up captured by a bunch of women in a public toilet and presumably fucked to death. This scene did contain the most disturbing moment in the whole movie though – right at the end the picture does that iris in thing and zooms in on his face. AND THE HUGE UGLY FESTERING COLD SORE ON HIS LIP. And this is after he has been chowing down on a couple of the girls. Now they were either faking it well or the Vivid girls are riddled with herpes. Remind me never to date one.
All up a pretty good movie. Most of the scenes were good. With 7 short scenes there’s quite a bit of variety. Most of the guys dad the decency to come somewhere other than the girl’s left eye. It’s a keeper.
A couple of final notes on the DVD. The back promised multiple angles. Now either I’m an idiot or they were lying because there were no multiple angles in the main feature. It wasn’t until we started browsing the special features (more on them later) that we found a tiny section where there was a little picture in picture insert with another angle. You couldn’t even select which angle was the main picture or the insert. Lame.
The rest of the special features. Lame. The “Bad girls” feature took you to a badly rendered dungeon where you open doors and click on pictures to view a short section from a scene that bears no relationship to the picture you selected. Lame. The award winning sex scenes were… wait for it… lame. If that’s award winning I’ll have to start submitting home movies. I’m sure we could pick up a few awards without much trouble. The sex game – another click on a picture and get a scene that has nothing to do with the picture thing. Lame, lame, lamedy lame.
So there we are. A good, fun movie. Not one for lovers of hard core but a good one for couples and those of us who are not yet jaded. Pity about the rest of the DVD though.
