After our last effort, Mrs Dave and I were in the mood for something slightly higher quality. Even just "not crap" would have done. We turned to our classics collection and found A Thousand and One Erotic Nights, a 1982 production that, unsurprisingly, is a porn version of the famous 1001 Arabian Nights. Even people who have never heard of the 1001 Nights will have heard some of the stories that originated there - Sinbad the Sailor, Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves. In fact, many of the tales of Arabian adventure you may remember from your childhood came from the 1001 Nights. There are many other tales in the 1001 Nights, many have quite a bit of sex in them, so a porn version is not too big a stretch.
For those who don't know, the 1001 Nights (the original version) is a collection of tales, some originals and some much older, that were supposedly told to the great Sultan Shazamain by the last surviving woman in his harem - Sharazid (often spelled Sheherazad). Why the last surviving woman? The Sultan it seems had gone off for a trip to seek his brother, at least that was the reason in my translation (Mathers and Madrus for those who are interested), in others it is to see one of his generals, but whatever the reason the result is the same in another kingdom. On the way he remembered that he had left something behind and returned to the palace only to find his beloved wife in bed with a slave. He killed them both and from that day on believed that no woman could be faithful. So, every night he had a new girl brought to him from his harem and after ravishing her for the night, he had her killed in the morning. This went on for three years until only one girl remained, our heroine Sharazid who, in an attempt to save her life, told the Sultan a story that ended at dawn on a cliffhanger. The Sultan wanted to find out what happened next so he spared her until the next night, and so it went on for 1001 nights.
Our porn version (starring Annette Haven) as Scheherazade stays pretty true to the original story. The Sultan (John Leslie) goes off to visit his general (obviously they are using a different translation to mine), finds him in bed with his wife (cue sex scene number one) and a well hung slave, kills them, and so on until only Scheherazade remains. She starts by telling the story of the Fisherman and the Djini (that's Genie for those of you who grew up on Disney). My version has this story on day 3 rather than 1 and mine certainly doesn't involve said fisherman watching a noble woman masturbate herself against a chair leg before fucking her and her two daughters, but never mind. We get tales of golden winged horses, forbidden love in far-off temples and strange adventures in far-off lands. None of the stories are really faithful to the original. Some are loosely based on the original, and some are entirely made up but all of them are good enough that they could have been in the original. This is very similar to Ribald Tales of Canterbury in that respect. Finally Scheherazade and the Sultan have a rousing fuck (after 1001 nights with no sex, I imagine it would have been pretty rousing) and we fade to black on an image of intertwined, writhing bodies.
When I say fade to black on a scene of writhing bodies, I mean before the cum shot. That's right, no cum shot. And it wasn't just the last scene. There were others. And where there were cum shots, they weren't all facials. In fact in some scenes, the penis never even entered the vagina. In the very first story, during their first encounter, the Fisherman and the noble woman didn't fuck. They looked at each other and masturbated until they both came. There were blow jobs that resulted in orgasm. They were the only facials and they weren't your usual type where the guy pulls out and finishes himself off on her face, she actually gave him a blow job until he came on/in her mouth. He didn't feel it necessary to take over. Why the heck do they do that anyway? If Mrs Dave is sucking me off, or fucking me, or whatever, why would I want to take over and finish it myself? Note to any porn directors reading this - Stop doing that. It's dumb. It looks bad. It isn't sexy.
As we have discovered, a lot of good classic porn has a lot more variety in the sex. Most, not all I grant you, but certainly the overwhelming majority of modern porn, seems to consist of exactly the same scene filmed with different costumes - three positions, anal, facial. Even the performers (the women anyway) look pretty much identical. The classic stuff has some variety. In the performers as well as the sex. For a start there were only a couple of blondes and no flondes (fake blondes). Imagine that. Actual dark-haired women. In porn. Note to any porn directors reading this - you don't have to be blonde to look sexy. And mix it up a little. It's starting to get boring.
This was a really good film. A perfect antidote to the last one. The women looked great. The men looked OK (Mrs Dave assures me they were easy on the eye). The costuming was good. The stories were good. The sex was good. Even the narration was good. If you can find a copy of this, it is well worth a look. Unless you really like shaved, silicone-enhanced flondes with guys jerking themselves off on their faces. In which case it probably isn't.
You can buy A Thousand and One Erotic Nights here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
