Ahoy there me hearties. Pirate Captain Desperado Dave writing this here review on International Talk Like Pirate Day (it will help a great deal if you mentally read the rest of this review in an outrageous pirate voice... let's get in the mood... one, two, three... AAAARRRRR!!!). After a hard day's looting and pillaging, I fancied a roll in the hammock with me saucy wench and when we saw that the treasure chest contained a copy of Pirates 2 - Stagnetti's Revenge, we couldn't help ourselves. Pirate porn on Talk Like A Pirate Day. The only thing that could have made it more perfect was to have a good tot of rum while watching but alas, 'twas not to be. The only rum casks we had in the hold were full of Bacardi, which is a most un-piratical drink. All was not lost though, me eyes fell upon a cask of fine brandy we looted from a treasure galleon earlier. I poured myself a good tot and settled down with me wench to watch.
Stagnetti's Revenge is the sequel to Pirates, which gave the wench and I a fine evening some time ago. The original was a fine film. Plot, characters, effects and sex. With Pirates. Perfect. There is always a danger with a sequel that it doesn't live up to the first instalment. I'm going to say - Highlander 2 - and rest my case. The scurvy dog who made that should be keel hauled. Occasionally though, you get a sequel that is even better than the first. Stagnetti's Revenge is one of them. This film picked up a swag full of booty at the AVN awards this year and it's not hard to see why.
Stagnetti's Revenge sees us rejoin Captain Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone) with his first mate Jules Steel (Jessie Jane) as they hunt the dreaded Chinese Pirate Xifeng (played by Katsuni) who is trying to bring the even more dreaded Captain Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) back from the dead. I won't spoil the plot for ye, me hearties because this film really does have a plot worth watching. Me wench and I didn't even fool around during the film as we were too engrossed in the plot. With a bigger budget this could easily have been another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The sex scenes were short and fitted the story perfectly. This wasn't like Carolina Jones where those lilly-livered dogs tried to squeeze a story in around a couple of long sex scenes. This went back to the golden days of porn movie making when they were shown in mainstream theatres and the plot came first. The special effects were great. The sex was hot, rough and energetic. Like good pirate sex should be. Although this old pirate can do without the choking on dick that they all seem to do now. Sounds like some landlubber hurling over the side during a squall to me. The guys looked piratical (though not as piratical as I do right now in the bright red pirate pants the wench made for me). The girls looked great. The whole film was good.
I want to specially mention the girls again. Every pirate loves a good wench and there were some mighty fine wenches (like Belladonna) in this film. Back in the days when pirates ruled the waves, wenches didn't have fake boobs so me pirate heart was delighted to see that a good half of the girls in this film were all natural in the breast department. A fair few of them had a good thick pirate bush down in the scuppers too, which I do like to see. A pirate wench should be a proper wench. Not all preened and plucked like some high class landlubber's daughter. Three cheers and a tot of rum to the man who found this bevvy of beauties to delight me jaded old pirate senses. I love a good pirate wench who can take a good cock insider her, stick four finger up her ass and service a man orally all at the same time. 'Tis a fine thing to see. I hope this return to natural women is something we see again and not just a one off for this film. If I keep seeing new films with all the women silicone enhanced and shaved, I'll sail over there, storm yer fortresses and gut the lot of ye with me cutlass.
This be a fine film me hearties. One well worth adding to the treasure chest. This is a great film to watch with the wench of your choice. It has a great story and the sex fits perfectly. The only thing me wench said was missing was a naked Johnny Depp. Three pirate cheers to the producers. AAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!
You can buy Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
You can buy Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge here through Good Vibrations in the USA.
