The infamous "to be watched" pile threw us another classic to review last night - Farewell Scarlett, a comedy detective story porn from 1975. This one had some big names in it - Darby Lloyd Rains (from heaps of stuff), CJ Laing who we last saw in Barbara Broadcast and Terri Hall (Misty Beethoven and others) plus a bunch more names who were big back in the 70s.
The plot is pretty simple - private detective Dexter Sleuth is hired by Olga Rich to find out who killed Scarlett - her favourite niece. Scarlett was the victim of the infamous Dildo Murder - choked on a massive dildo in the middle of an orgy. The crime has the police baffled. Dexter has his work cut out for him as he interviews all those in the room with Scarlett when she died. One of them has to be the murderer, but which one?
Was it Celeste Starr, famous actress, who Scarlett was blackmailing with pictures of a Nazi-themed orgy? Was it Sam Smut, porn producer, as revenge for Scarlett ruining his film and costing him his big sponsor? Was it Connie Columnist, gossip mag writer, in revenge for Scarlet's affair with her live-in lesbian lover? Was it Gilbert Graft, senator, who Scarlet was also blackmailing? Or Arnold Broker, rich stockbroker, another of Scarlet's blackmail victims (she gets about a bit, does our Scarlett)? Or his wife Beatrice, to stop Scarlett's affair with her husband (she really gets around, does our Scarlett). What about Brett Volley, tennis star and Scarlett's secret fiance? Or did the butler do it? It seems everyone in the room with Scarlett when she died had the motive and the means. Dexter Sleuth delves into their murky pasts (and sordid sex lives) as he tries to crack the case.
This had the makings of a really good film. The plot was pretty good (for a porn), the acting was pretty good and the sex scenes, all 13 of them, were well integrated into the story, from the opening mass orgy through each suspect's flashback to their motive for wanting Scarlett dead (which naturally involved sex). There was only one small problem. This film has never made it onto DVD so what we watched last night was a dodgy rip from a dodgy video taken from an ancient and scratched film print (the lengths we go to for you, our readers). Unfortunately this meant the film quality was poor to the point of being unwatchable for much of the action. The sound was also terrible, you could barely hear what was going on at times, and at others it was loud enough to wake the neighbourhood.
That's about all I can say for this one right now. If a restored print ever makes it to DVD we will grab it and watch it again because, as I said, this had all the makings of a great classic porn. As it is though, I really can't recommend it to anyone because of the terrible film quality. If anyone has (or knows of) a better copy of this, please let me know so we can grab it. I have checked all the big DVD retailers and none of them have it listed, so I suspect it will be VHS or film only.
I hope someone does find a good print and release it on DVD. It would be a great pity for this one to be lost forever.
