Ho Ho Ho... 'Tis the season to be jolly and all that. Given that it is the festive season we thought we would have a look and see what was available in the way of Christmas porn. We figured there had to be some. After all, Ho Ho Ho is just too obvious and Santa cumming but once a year is just asking for a comedy porn. Sure enough, after about 30 seconds of searching we were the proud owners of Silent Night, hardcore for the holidays. A fine Ninn Worx (in association with Axel Braun) production.
This one was released a couple of years ago in 2006. It features six unrelated scenes each with a Christmas theme. Like everything Michael Ninn is involved with, it is art porn - great lighting, artistic camera angles, high production values and beautiful women being soundly fucked. The format is pretty simple. Each scene starts with a solo masturbation sequence followed by the scene proper. The music is low key and unobtrusive. Most of the sound track is just moans and groans which is a nice change from the "zing waka waka waka" soundtracks of the 70s classics we have been watching lately.
First up we had Riley Evans surrounded by some fairly realistic fake snow, being fucked in a sleigh (of course) by Scott Nails while wearing that great Australian contribution to the world of high fashion - the ugg boot.
Next up we had Haley Paige being a very naughty girl with a well endowed Santa (Jay Lassiter). I have to say, Ms Paige is not your average porn starlet. Dark hair. Natural boobs. Not a stick figure. I wish more porn performers looked like that. Mind you, after a couple of ass to mouths, much as I like her look, I don't think I'd be keen on kissing her. We'll have to see what else she is in. I just looked her up and wish I hadn't. It seems Ms Paige died in suspicious circumstances a couple of years ago. Her husband of a week was implicated but killed himself with an overdose before any charges could be laid. Not one of the adult industry's happier stories there.
Jassie and Monica Michaels were next, opening presents off a Christmas tree festooned with dildos and trying them out on each other. This was probably the best scene of the lot (although Mrs Dave zoned out as usual when the lack of guys became apparent). Jassie is another non-typical porn performer, natural boobs and all (although her part Japanese heritage explains some of that). It's nice to see some non-enhanced, natural looking women in porn these days. Monica is your typical silicone Barbie doll though.
Melissa Lauren is next, getting soundly fucked by her Christmas present (Jay Lassiter wearing red manties and a bow tie...classy) and the gift giver, Sascha. I have to mention again that I am not a fan of the boob job, and her boob job looked like it was only done the week before - some of the scars were all still red and puckered, which is a really bad look. There was a lot of inexplicable porn acting in this one that really added nothing to the scene. Something about Sasha wearing her jewelery or something but I wasn't really paying attention. Fortunately the acting stopped when the fucking began. Again with the ass to mouth, so she's off my kiss list as well. Ms Lauren does seem to enjoy herself through the vigorous anal and DP action but the guys seem pretty disinterested.
Regan Reese wraps things up by fucking Hershel Savage while wearing a sexy Mrs Santa outfit. Again, not your average porn starlet, but I don't think much of her lip piercing. It's one of those ones that's supposed to look like a mole above the upper lip but actually looks like she left something behind while eating lunch. Her huge tongue stud also gives her a speech impediment. She also has a strange pouty expression that I suppose is supposed to look sexy but to me it looks like she is slightly retarded. Either that or she has indigestion. Three scenes with natural boobs is a good thing in my books though so well done to Mr Ninn on that score. There was a little heat in this scene. Mr Savage, seasoned veteran that he is, at least managed to look interested, and if you count the strange pout as sexy (instead of stomach trouble) then Ms Reese did a fair job as well.
With all that, this should have been a great film but there was something missing. The scenes were, like all of Mr Ninn's work, beautifully shot, well lit and energetic, but at the same time curiously passionless. There seemed to be no chemistry. And no, a bunch of fake moans does not equal chemistry or passion. It was like they were taking part in a serious art project, not fucking each other's brains out. And the scenes were long. The shortest was around 20 minutes. Even the best shot sex can't sustain interest for 20 minutes with out any passion behind it.
In short, this film was a lot like a modern Christmas - beautifully presented but soulless, artificial and goes on for far too long.
