It's a well known fact that no matter what your perversion, someone out there has made a porn of it. Mrs Dave and I don't often delve into the niche porn. Most of it is really for the serious fan of left handed, brown haired, lesbian midgets or whatever niche the film happens to be appealing to. Recently though, we were given a copy of Full Grown Bush, appropriately released by Niche Films in 2005. This is, as the name suggests, for fans of the hairier woman. As we both like classic porn which has its fair share of full bush, we figured this was possibly worth a watch.
The first thing we noticed was that the title on the cover is Full Grown Bush while the title on the DVD is Pink & Hairy 2. Was a mistake made and the wrong DVD put in with the cover? No, the cover shots feature women on the DVD. Heaven only knows why it has two different titles, but it sure makes it hard to find out anything about it. Apart from being put out by Niche Films, we can't find out anything else. Even my awesome Google Fu failed to turn up any information at all.
The first scene was an interview style scene featuring a reasonably unattractive woman claiming to be 21. She had a bunch of badly done tattoos and a really new nose stud that was all red and inflamed and looked like a huge pimple. The guy doing the interview was considerably older. Anyway, after a few minutes of fairly dull interview (she's from Florida, loves fucking, yada yada) she gets naked and he starts munching her hairy bush. And boy was it hairy. After a while they start fucking, or try to, as the guy is completely limp and has to hold himself in there. He's obviously not much of a fan of the hairy bush. She pouted and grimaced her way through the scene which was, I suppose, meant to make her look sexy. Instead it just made her look uncomfortable and about to burst into tears. He finally managed enough of an erection to cum and the scene mercifully came to a close. The set wasn't inspiring either. It looked like a plywood box with randomly chosen fabric swatches pinned over the plywood to give a slightly less tacky appearance. Sadly, it didn't work.
Scene two featured better looking people, better looking video, better looking sets, better lighting and better production. In fact it looked like it had been taken from a completely different production. Could it be that we were watching a cheap compilation tape that grabbed unrelated scenes featuring hairy woman from random movies and bunged them together on a DVD? You bet we could. Mercifully, this scene dropped the interview format and opened with the guy shoving his cock in the woman's face. Now I have never found that to be a particularly effective way of getting to know women but hey, whatever works for him. This was a much better scene. He was hard. She was into it and they both looked like they had fun while fucking each other's brains out.
Scene three was again from a completely different film. It had a plot (well kind of). Young (quite attractive) hairy lady is about to shave her bush to surprise her boyfriend/husband when he comes home and is horrified that she would contemplate such a thing. Cue a munching of her bush. Now while I don't have a problem with the munching, I do have a problem with the continuity error. See, she'd just lathered up her bush to shave it - we saw that. Then he went down on her. We both simultaneously said that the soap wasn't going to taste good! Then we noticed that her bush, just prior to being munched, was dry and fluffy. Oh well. Then they move to a couch and fuck. Husband/Boyfriend (an older, hairier, balder, fatter kind of guy with a very slight resemblance to a fat, bald Travolta) got so into it that he obviously lost control and nearly came inside her. He managed to pull out and cum on her leg. They were forced to go a second round to arrange the obligatory facial.
OK, scene four (the final one). The film is grainy, the colours are off and it is totally different quality again. It looks like the sort of thing you see posted to one of those amateur sites. Only with lower production values. She is outside on a cheap plastic banana lounge. She is wearing a hideous bikini. She takes it off and oils herself up. She's not even particularly hairy. An old, ugly dude turns up. What is it with hairy porn and old, ugly dudes? Are they the only ones who are willing to do it with a hairy pussy? He leads her to what looks like a mouldy old mattress in the corner of the garden screened by a few straggly weeds. They fuck. It was not pretty to watch.
That was it. There were no credits. Absolutely none. So we have no idea of who these people are, nor which films these scenes were cut from. The "fetish" menu consisted of short cuts to each scene. Definitely one for the serious hairy bush fan only. Actually, even then you would probably be better off watching something from the 70s. All the hairy bush you can eat but without gross old guys in sex scenes that make you want to reach for the eyeball bleach. An Internet search for this production was not successful, nor for Niche Films. So I can't even tell those of you who are into this where to buy it. Unless you want our copy. I'll give it to you for the cost of the postage.
