A newer one for you this time. Teachers, released last year by Digital Playground. This was a big budget feature with a cast of thousands. Well, hundreds. Well, tens... but pretty much a who's who of porn - Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Jenna Haze, Stoya, Jesse Jane and a few more. With a cast that big there were a lot of scenes and like most modern porn the scenes are long. This means that Teachers comes in at a shade over 3 hours long and is split across two DVDs. Yes. Two DVDs. For one film. That's Lord of the Rings long. It's the sort of film you rent, watch and take straight back, but still get charged a late fee on.
Leaving aside the length of this (more on that later), the plot basically centers around a group of female students (Jesse, Stoya, Jenna and Riley Steele, played by Jesse, Stoya, Jenna and Riley Steele... obviously there were some issues with remembering character's names) who, let's just say aren't the most academically gifted in the school and are basically getting through by fucking the teachers. Unfortunately for them, they have been recording their exploits in a diary (come on... no teen would ever write a diary about it... it would be on facebook or something), which one of them left on the school bus. The film follows the dreaded diary as it gets passed from hand to hand around the staff on its way to the Dean.
First, the book is found by the bus driver who hands it to the receptionist (Lisa Anne) who reads the first chapter which documents in great detail Jesse's exploits with the coach (Tommy Gunn). Cue first sex scene. Our receptionist gets so hot and bothered that she grabs the nearest student and fucks him on the reception desk. Now, this is where I start to have a problem with this film. No school reception area I have ever seen is deserted for the 30 minutes the scene took. In fact, the whole school thing just doesn't quite work for this film.
For a start, the thought of Jesse Jane and colleagues actually attending senior high school stretched the imagination a bit, but Evan Stone as a teacher? I mean, come on. And while the girls are all in fine shape, there is no way any of them can pass for school age. I looked them up. Jesse Jane (29), Jenna Haze (27), Scott Nails (27), Mason Moore (24), Angelina Valentine (23), Stoya (23), James Deen (23), Riley Steele (22), and Angelina Armani (22). Sorry. Just not working for me. I know that most US schools don't have a uniform but even in the most liberal campus, micro skirts and no underwear is going to get you expelled. As are the enormous tattoos some of them are sporting. A small design somewhere inconspicuous maybe, but entire arms are just not on. I'm not even going to go near the whole teacher/student sex thing. I suspect this would have been better off being moved up a few years and set in a college. At least that way it's just professional misconduct and not child abuse.
Anyway, suspending disbelief for a while, the rest of the film basically follows the same pattern - book is passed to another member of staff who reads a section, we get a flashback sex scene followed by a real one. Finally they all meet up in the school bus for an orgy. I won't detail all 8 scenes but the standout would have to be the scene between the French teacher (Katsuni), Riley and James Deen. Riley wore the most amazing, solid steel, jewelled butt-plug. It looked fantastic and I have to say, I am now on a quest to find a plug like that for Mrs Dave. It really was the most fantastic thing. Why they had to suck on it after removing it is a separate question. You don't need to prove how dirty you are by sucking on a used butt plug, girls. You are fucking on camera for us. That's quite dirty enough for me.
Leaving aside the whole school thing, this was a pretty good film. The sex was good. Probably the best sex we have seen in a new porn for a while (baring the Vampire Sex Diaries). The only issue I have with it was that a lot of the scenes featured a very sudden cut from fucking to the finishing facial. I mean really sudden. One moment we are watching fucking the next there is a cock cumming on someone's face. It felt a bit sudden. Like the director (Joone, of Pirates fame) realised he was running out of space on the two DVDs and had to cut a few minutes out of each scene. Everyone looks good. I don't know whether they found a real school for the set but wherever it was certainly looked the part.
My main problem with the film was its length. 3 hours is just too long. Even big budget Hollywood features seldom go over 2 hours. Even Avatar was only 2.5 and that was a marathon. Why the porn industry feels the need to produce these three hours plus epics is beyond me. This would have been a much better film if the scenes were shortened to 10-15 mins each rather than 20-30. 30 minutes watching the same scene just doesn't do it for me. Maybe I have a short attention span but I like a bit of variety.
Well worth a look but be prepared for a late night (or split it over two nights).
You can buy Teachers here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
You can buy Teachers here through Good Vibrations in the USA.
