"Suction please, Nurse"...It's a medical porn for you this week - Candy Stripers 2, released back in 1985. Now we all know that sequels rarely (if ever) live up to the promise of their originals, so we didn't have high expectations of this film. However, I have to say, we were pleasantly surprised.
Only loosely based on Candy Stripers, in that the film is set in a hospital (and there are a couple of candy stripers as minor characters), Candy Stripers 2 includes a wide range of sexual shenanigans between members of staff, patients and relatives. Oh, and a disclaimer here. I know I am going to flip between character and actor names, but it's because I can't remember who all the characters were, and IMDB has let me down on this one.
We start with a doctor (Michael Gaunt) and nurse Kelly (Taija Rae) fucking vigorously in his laboratory where, in the course of their coitus, there's a bit of interruptus when she accidentally kicks over a flask of liquid and sets off a contamination alert. Turns out he's a research scientist working on a "secret formula" for the army. Whoops!
We meet Mr Shapiro (Ashley Moore), a hypochondriac who is being discharged by Dr Howard (Ron Jeremy, joint head of the hospital), because there's nothing wrong with him. He's fed up with the candy stripers doing stuff for him when he should be seeing a doctor. Then we have poor old George (Will Jarvis), admitted with a suspected fractured wrist immediately after his wedding (tripped on the confetti). He's stuck in bed, waiting to be taken to x-ray, but desperate to get back to his new wife, Emily (Sheri St Clair, last seen in Sex Busters). Meanwhile, Emily is searching the hospital for her husband, thwarted by the fiendish head nurse, Jessica (played by Aurora, with arch villain eye makeup and the longest fake fingernails I've ever seen. No true nurse has nails that long.). Visiting hours are over, so she can't come in, nor even be told how badly injured her husband is, but Dr Howard (Colleen Brennan, last seen in Ribald Tales of Canterbury - the other Dr Howard's estranged wife, and joint head of the hospital), allows the visit. Unfortunately the contamination alert disrupts plans, and Dr Howard and Dr Howard try to work out what to do. Fiendish Jessica phones the army and speaks to the major in charge of the secret lab and he orders a 24 hour lock-down. This suits Jessica perfectly.
First she corners Dr Howard (Ron Jeremy) and they fuck. Vigorously. This was Ron in his lean(er) days, and I have to say, he was impressive (hairy, but impressive). As was the sex (hairy too, given that this was 1985). Even Emily thought so. She'd gone into the office to try to find her husband, or speak to Dr Howard, or something, and ended up, crouched on the floor behind a filing cabinet, watching Ron and Aurora at it and masturbating furiously. An aside here. This was made in 1985 and features the very worst excesses of hair, makeup and clothing that were common in the 80s. I know. I was there. I remember the little lace gloves that we all wore and Madonna made popular in her early days. There is no way I would masturbate while wearing those lace gloves, they'd scratch. But Emily did. Anyway, back to the plot.
Ron and Nurse Jessica finish their liaison and he discovers part of her evil plan - that she knows that the Drs Howard have trouble in their marriage and she's just been waiting to join in. They leave the room and Emily, exhausted by her wank, falls asleep crouched in the corner.
Meanwhile, horny George is reminiscing to the guy in the other bed about how wonderful Emily is. He covers what they've done, in great detail, much to the physical distress of the other patient, who is wrapped in bandages following a skiing accident. They've done everything (and from the flash-backs, I mean everything) except actually fuck. They were saving the actual act for their wedding night. Hence his desperation to be out of there and back to Emily. George finally goes off to x-ray. Emily wakes up and wanders out to find one of the candy stripers (Karen Summer, also in Sex Busters), and asks where George is. The striper indicates the room, but this girl, who is meant to be dim, doesn't mention, until Emily has already gone, that he isn't there. Another aside here. The 80s were the time that the "Valley Girl" became a phenomenon. I was a teen at the time, but the slang, tone of voice and attitude grated with me even then. The two candy stripers in this film are both blond, tanned, California girls, but one of them is vague, to say the least. And she speaks with the tone and attitude that grates on my nerves. "So, totally, like awesome." Anyway, back to Emily. She enters the room, to find a patient wrapped (almost) head to toe in bandages and immediately assumes that it is George. The patient, who can't speak, indicates that he needs to be fucked to make him feel better (due to the immense erection he's sporting). Emily willingly complies.
Meanwhile, Mr Shapiro has been woken from his slumbers in order for the two candy stripers (Kathlyn Moore and Karen Summer - the vague one) to give him his sleeping tablet. They ask what is wrong with him that he's convinced he's dying but the doctors can't find anything wrong with him. The stripers try to jolly him out of his depression until Karen points out that he's obviously dying from lack of sex. Kathlyn is horrified, but Mr Shapiro decides that it's probably a good idea, and we end up with both girls in a three-some with him. The girls get sprung by nurse Taija Rae, who decides to join in.
Next, nasty Jessica turns her attentions to the other Dr Howard (Colleen Brennan). She goes down on Dr Howard under the desk while Dr Howard is valiantly trying to discuss the situation with the major (Johnny Nineteen), dressed in a biohazard suit. He thinks she must have high blood pressure as her pulse is racing, her face is flushed and she is behaving erratically. Dr Howard's orgasm finished, the major leaves and Jessica gets her turn.
Back to Emily and the mystery patient. Despite the fact that he can't speak, his tongue works a treat on her pussy. Lucky girl. Lots more vigorous (considering he is almost fully bandaged) sex ensues.
Ron Jeremy and Michael Gaunt share a beaker of whiskey and it turns out that the "secret formula" is a harmless aphrodisiac gas - that's why everyone has been so horny.
Candy striper Kathlyn has taken poor, broken George to x-ray and while he's waiting, she encourages him to tell her about his new wife. Some mutual masturbation ensues and then some fucking.
George gets brought back to the ward where Emily and the mystery patient are sharing a post-coital cigarette. Much confusion on her part, well covered up, and on his as well.
Later in the staff canteen, candy striper Karen talks loudly about Dr Howard and Nurse Jessica. Both Drs Howard overhear, turn to one another in confusion trying to explain, then both realise that they've been had. Together with the candy stripers, they cook up a scheme to get back at both nasty nurse Jessica and also the major for locking down the hospital.
Drs Howard both grab Jessica and fuck in an enthusiastic three-some. Then candy striper Kathlyn and nurse Taija get down and dirty with the major, who enjoys it very much until sprung by his general. Fortunately the candy stripers take pity on the general and lead him off, presumably to screw him (although it is never shown).
While the film wasn't full-on comedy, there were funny parts in it, and humour was used to good effect. Some of the sex scenes were average, but others were really very good, particularly the group scenes in the second half. Definitely not as good as its predecessor, but not to be scorned either. So the final verdict? Not a keeper, but definitely well worth a watch.
You can buy Candy Stripers 2 here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
