The other night we were flicking through the To Be Watched pile and The 8th Day caught our eye. This is a fairly new film, released in 2009 by Adam & Eve. It picked up a bunch of awards at the 2010 AVN awards including Best Video Feature, Best All-Girl Threeway Sex Scene, Best Videography/Cinematography and Best Makeup. With all the indy stuff we have watched recently we figured we should watch something a bit more mainstream, so we whacked it in the player.
The first thing I have to note here is that it should also have picked up an award for longest film in the history of filmmaking. It runs for 4 and a half hours. Seriously folks. Who the hell has time to sit through four and a half hours of porn in one sitting? We had to watch the thing over three nights. So what do we get in our 4 and an half hours? As expected from a film that won that many awards, it is extremely well made. The budget was huge. The sets and costuming are easily worthy of a mainstream Hollywood feature. The plot could almost make it as a mainstream Hollywood feature. Heck, even the acting could almost, kinda make it as a mainstream Hollywood feature (if Keanu Reeves can make it as an actor then why the heck not?) and it has a huge cast, including some really big names, such as Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Kylie Ireland (yes, THE Kylie Ireland) and Amber Rayne, and a bunch of non-sex performers. So why then didn't we like it?
Samantha (Kayden Kross) wakes up from a cryogenic sleep, where she was placed by her mad scientist father, and finds herself in a strange, violent, post-apocalyptic world of empty cities and strange people. As she journeys through this Mad-Max-esque landscape she discovers that civilisation ended in The Great Burning when a group of mad scientists tried to set up a wonderful new power source and accidentally set fire to the whole world instead. Pretty major oops there. During her travels she fucks strange mutants, gets captured by slavers, rescued, meets the leaders of this new world and discovers the truth about her connection with The Great Burning. The surprise ending is comparable to any mainstream cyber-punk/post-apocalyptic film out there. Like I said, the plot is easily as good as a mainstream feature.
The sets and costuming are fantastic. They really are as good as a mainstream feature. The body painting in one of the scenes is particularly good. The whole filming and art direction really is second to none. Technically, this is a very well made film.
The main problem with this film is that the sex, for the most part, is so fucking boring. It's the same old tired formula - eight 30 minute long scenes same as every other porn feature released lately. An obligatory lesbian scene. The compulsory orgy scene. And each lasting the regulation 30 minutes with the same formulaic positions and facials. There's even a completely unnecessary scene of Kayden pissing which had no bearing at all on the plot and was only there to appeal to the piss fetishists.
I have never seen the point in a 30 minute scene. In a scene that long, no matter how often they change positions, what you end up watching is about 25 minutes of monotonous close up thrusting and 5 minutes of anything remotely visually interesting. Seriously, that much close up thrusting is about as exciting as watching one of those oil well pumps bob up and down for half an hour.
I suspect it's a reaction to the tube sites with their quick 5-10 minute videos. The mainstream industry has decided to differentiate itself by going in the opposite direction and making everything super long. Essentially giving people a whole lot more of what is driving them away from traditional porn in the first place - boring, formulaic fucking.
I have heard that the porn industry exists in its own weird little reality bubble, disconnected with mainstream society. I suspect that's true. The mainstream porn industry, and the directors in particular, have their heads shoved so far up their collective arse that they have no idea what people want to watch any more. They keep producing more and more of the same tired formula, people abandon traditional porn, the industry responds by making more of the same, then complains loudly that people don't want to pay for their films any more. Here's a hint for you - IF YOU PRODUCED WHAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANTED TO WATCH THEY WOULD PAY FOR IT!
Mainstream porn industry, a message from outside the bubble - pull your heads out of your arses! You are doing a terrible job. You are producing shitty films. You have no idea any more what people actually find erotic. Let me give you another hint - IT'S NOT 30 MINUTES OF CLOSE UP THRUSTING! The sexual athletics you are showing have no similarity at all to the way real people have sex. We no longer find this stuff a turn on. We want real people, having real sex.
Mainstream porn directors - go watch some indy porn. Learn how to make porn visually interesting again. Learn how to make it erotic, not mechanical. Go watch Beautiful Agony and learn how much of a turn on things can be when you can't even see a naked body. There is so much more to sexy than genital close ups. Learn how to do your jobs properly or we will continue to turn away.
The 8th Day is a 4 disk extravaganza, and has an appropriately extravagant price associated with it. You can buy The 8th Day here through Uncut DVDs in Australia, but seriously? Hire it first, as this is a major investment. With porn, you want to screw to it, not be screwed by it.
