Every country has its legendary outlaws. Here in Australia we have Ned Kelly, in the USA they have Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Bonnie and Clyde are the quintessential 1930's gangsters. Dapper, dangerous and sexy. Their violent and tragic love affair has been the subject of dozens of movies and, naturally, dozens of porns. The latest, Bonny & Clide, is a 2010 effort from Bluebird Films, with the names changed to protect the innocent, or at least to avoid a law suit. We have had this on the to be watched pile for a while now but have been slightly put off by the 4 and 1/2 hour length. Anyway, we finally had a suitable evening and stuck it in the player.
As with many things, the reality is a lot less interesting than the legend. Bonnie and Clyde are no exceptions. Rather than the dapper bank robber legend, Clyde was a two bit petty thief who specialised in sticking up rural gas stations and isolated general stores rather than banks and was chiefly famous for the extreme viciousness and violence involved. Bonnie was a well-educated woman who was obsessed with the violent Clyde and has given her name to the strange fascination some otherwise normal women have for violent criminals (apparently inmates on death row are inundated with marriage proposals from women.. the more heinous the crime the more proposals). Anyway, as disappointing as the reality is, the porn was worse. This was a 4 and 1/2 hour snore fest.
We open with Clide (Paul Chaplin, who happens to own Bluebird Films; do we smell self-indulgence here anyone?) robbing a bank. He did rob couple, in between the dozens of gas stations. Anyway, the bank had no money but did have two hot tellers (Natalie Norton and Phoenix Marie) and the first sex scene started. Pretty quickly. Unfortunately it didn't finish quickly. It was, like all the scenes in this film, hugely long.
After the robbery, Clide needs new car and finds one belonging to Bonny's mother. In the process of stealing it, Bonny (Natasha Marley, an English model, apparently in her porn debut) notices him, they fuck (another overly long scene) and they drive off. In the mean time , Tommy Finn (Tommy Gunn, last seen by us in The 8th Day and Teachers but in lots else) is a lawman who is being bribed to go after Bonny and Clide by a bank owner (Dale Da Bone, last seen by us in Batman XXX). Naturally the bribe is in the form of three girls (Kiara Diane, Kylee Reese and Lily Labeau) and another long scene ensues.
Bonny, Clide and Will Powers (playing a character who's name I can't remember) meanwhile are at a gas station and rather than stick it up, the men fuck the three flapper girls (Jamey Janes, Krissy Lynn and Sadie West) who happen to be at this remote, rural gas station. Then we are at a jazz club and we have another long group sex scene because, what the heck, it's been a whole 5 minutes since the last one. This scene had a huge cast of extras - Dani Jensen, India Summer (An Open Invitation), Jazy Berlin, Jenny Hendrix, Jessica Bangkok, Julia Ann (Hercules), Kerry Louise, Rachel Roxxx, Anthony Rosano (The Sex Files), Billy Glyde (Debbie Does Dallas: The Next Generation), and Seth Gamble. There were more women, but I can't be bothered finding who they all were. This had a cast of thousands.
The rest of the film follows the same pattern - 5 minutes of stilted dialogue, group sex scene, rinse, repeat. Did I mention this was 4 and 1/2 hours long? A two disk set? Come one guys, you are not Peter Jackson and this is not Lord of the Rings.
I have ranted before (at some length) on the things I see wrong with the porn industry today. Bonny & Clide to me is a prime example. As consumers turn away from mainstream porn and turn more towards tube sites, the response of the industry is to give them more and more of what they no longer want.
People these days seem to be moving more towards amateur, or least less overly-produced content. Sex that looks real, being had by people that look real. So what does the porn industry give us? A 4 and 1/2 hour extravaganza filled with overly-produced, group sex scenes. People want reality. They give us more and more fake. More and more of what we don't want. And expensive too. This cost us $55. If you are going to compete with free, you better have spectacular content if you want to survive.
My mother always told me that if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, so there were some good points. The girls in particular look spectacular. The costuming was pretty spot-on (though as Mrs Dave pointed out, coloured stockings didn't come in until much later). The boobs were mostly natural which is really nice. I'm really glad the trend is away from fake tits. The photography was good; stock-standard porn but well done. The vintage cars were beautiful. The excessive tattoos were not.
Other than that though there isn't much else I can say. It was too long. Too expensive. Too... too... mainstream. Boring and predictable.
If you really must buy this, shop around.
You can buy Bonny & Clide here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
