Every so often Mrs Dave and I grab a DVD off the top of our to be watched pile and bung it in the player. Sometimes the pile hands us a classic, sometimes it hands us an absolute dog. Last time it handed us Barely Legal Teens 5.
I don't ever remember buying this film, nor do I remember it coming as a freebie. I have absolutely no idea where this one came from. I'm starting to suspect there are gremlins who sneak into our room at night and dump dubious movies on the pile.
This movie could be summed up as a series of identical looking 25 year old "teens" in the obligatory "white cotton panties", having sex with a series of identical looking generic porn dudes. Here's a question for you - outside of cheap "teen" porn, have you ever seen any woman, teen or otherwise, wearing those white cotton panties?
Now I see the odd young lady or two on the train every day and with the current fashion for low-cut trousers and resulting acres of exposed underwear, I feel quite qualified to say that none of the young ladies on the North Shore Line wear white cotton panties. On those occasions where I have to accompany Mrs Dave into the lingerie section to act as handbag holder while she stocks up her underwear drawer, I don't think I have ever even seen a white cotton pantie for sale. There must be a special shop porn directors buy them from.
Oh yes, and before interchangeable girl and generic guy have sex, she inexplicably considers it absolutely necessary to pee on the floor and they end up having sex next to a puddle. Charming. Is this an experimental pee/teen fetish crossover movie? Are huge numbers of pee fetishists also into teens? Are huge numbers of teen fetishists also into pee? All these questions, and more, will remain unanswered as I'm not sure I want to know.
I think this instalment in the Barely Legal franchise is fairly old (judging by the enormous mobile phones they used in a couple of scenes) and they seem to be up to Barely Legal 12, or 20 or 271 or something like that now. From what I saw of the others though I don't think it really matters which one you watch (unless you want smaller mobile phones), they all look the same. You could either watch all 648 in the series or just get one and watch it 648 times. I doubt you'd notice the difference.
I think this one was best summed up by Mrs Dave - "They weren't ugly and the sex wasn't too awful".
