It was early evening. The kids were miraculously in bed (and asleep) on time. All our chores were done. Debbie Does Dallas was on the top of the to-be-watched pile. Life was good.
Debbie is probably one of the most famous porn movies of all time. Even people who have never even considered watching a porn will have heard of Debbie. Someone even made it into a musical a few years ago. I'm not sure how. Well I can see how, just not how and be able to put it on in a regular theater. Mind you, I think I could get used to hardcore musicals. Makes a bunch of cats prancing round the stage seem kind of boring, doesn't it?
I think everyone in the world knows at least the basic plot of Debbie, but in case you've just flown in from Alpha Centauri (actually, Debbie has been radiating out from Earth since 1978, so even the small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri are probably familiar with it by now) I'll give you a quick recap.
Young Debbie (played by Bambi Woods) has just won an audition with the famous Dallas Cowboys cheer leading squad but alas, her parents do not approve and won't pay for her trip. She has no money and only 2 weeks before the audition to raise it, so she and all her friends decide to get part time jobs (naturally, they decide to do this while naked in the shower... it is a porn after all).
After a few days of low paying work and the deadline for the audition growing closer, it's Debbie who first works out how to increase her earnings - by letting her employer, Mr Greenfield, fondle her breasts for some extra cash. Pretty soon they are all at it. Roberta has sex with her bosses in their candle shop after being caught masturbating with the stock. Donna gets some attention from Mr Spanky the librarian, Rickki and Annie take (a large) one for the team when they let Mr Bradley do them in the bum after washing his car, Lisa and Ashly get some "extra tuition" with their tennis coach in the sauna and Tammy gives her boss a blowjob in the local bookshop. Finally, Mr Greenfield offers to pay for the whole trip if Debbie fulfills his fantasy - him (oldish and slightly portly) wearing a football uniform and an erection, having sex with Debbie in a Dallas Cowboys cheer leading uniform.
Even though it's 30 years old, Debbie hasn't dated badly at all. This is a good, fun film. The sex is good and like all classic films the scenes are short and varied. There must be at least 10 scenes in a 60-odd minute film with time for plot as well. There's only one anal and not every cumshot is a facial. The plot still makes sense (well makes sense for a porn anyway), the sex is still good. OK, today the pubes would be somewhat more trimmed, the clothes would be different and the girls would be calling each other on their cellphones rather than the quaint rotary dial landlines they use in the film but other than that, they could have made this film yesterday. The moral of the film - if you are prepared to abandon your principals and sell your body, you can achieve anything you want, is as true today as it was then.
It's amazing the variety you see in these classics compared to today's stuff where every scene is basically the same (blowjob, 3 positions, anal, facial). Why can't they do that these days? And why do modern scenes have to go on so long? I saw a film the other day that was nearly 2 hours long and only had 3 scenes. A word of advice to porn directors - 45 minutes is too long. I don't think I could have sex for 45 minutes non stop, let alone watch it for that long, without my attention drifting.
I still can't see how they made it into a musical though.
You can buy Debbie Does Dallas here through Good Vibrations in the USA.
You can buy Debbie Does Dallas here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
