Firstly, a big apology for the lateness of this review. Having the kids home on the long (looooong) summer school holidays, it was rather a challenge writing anything as they kept coming into the study wanting things and reading over my shoulder. "Mum, what's an anal whore?" is not a question that you want your 6 year old asking. To make it up to you, this is a long review. So, while it's taken a while, I hope you enjoy it.
Recently we got to watch something that had been on the to-be-watched pile for quite some time - Jonathan Morgan's Double Feature, which was released by Wicked Pictures back in 1998.
Given the scads of awards that this won when it was released, we had fairly high expectations of this, and I have to say that for once we were not disappointed. It starts (like the old double features it was named for) with shorts of other "movies" starring "Rick Rockwell" (Randy Spears) and "Suzy Cheesecake" (Serenity). These snippets are from "Gang Bang Zombies" (hoards of zombies staggering around muttering "Gang bang, gaaaaaaaaang baaaaaang!" and starlets who scream a lot and fall over), "Death Rides a Rubber Horse" (send-up of bad detective movies, involving the murder of blow-up dolls, and had a strange scene where Randy smacks one in the face to "make her talk"), and "Attack of the 12 Storey Dildoes" (they're having a picnic when the shadow of the 12-storey dildo looms over them...dun dun duuuuuunnn). All feature Rick and Suzy in a variety of threatening situations, which all result in her going down on him. These are all shot in black and white, to give that authentic old B-movie feel.
Next we get to the first feature - "Attack of the Bimbos from Outer Space", a spoof of 1950s science fiction movies. Briefly, a UFO lands on earth, containing three alien women (from the planet Uranus, naturally) who are going to take over the Earth, by fucking all the men on the planet into both submission and stupidity. The aliens are leader Clitora (or Clitoris, I'm not sure, played by Jewel De'Nyle), Vulva (Shanna McCullough) and Labius (Kary Evers). There is a running gag throughout each scene that features Shanna McCullough that she has to put down the cigarette that she's busy smoking before she can act. I don't know if that's her trademark, but it was even used by the "stand-in crew member" (Anthony Crane) for when she was "late for shooting".
The aliens land in in their UFO (with "Made in Japan" painted on the side) and find themselves in a, shall we say, "rural" area. Vulva and Labius fuck the first two men they meet, Ian Daniels and Mickey G (last seen by us in Eyes of Desire Pt 2). The men are left brainless (not a large leap of imagination, based on how their characters were before) and the women go in search of more conquests. This scene switched from black and white to colour for the sex, then back to black and white. It was a fairly hot scene, easy to watch, not too long, not too short.
Rick Rockwell (as Trent Nerdski) and Suzy Cheesecake (as Judy Luvjoy) are (naturally) the only ones who can save the planet. Judy and her "husband" (Anthony Crane, who plays just about every non-sex role possible in this movie) are scientists and Trent is their lowly lab assistant. Trent and Judy are having a passionate affair (supposedly without her husband's knowledge), and we get to see a part of it. Their scene is fantastic - the chemistry between the two of them is really good. Serenity is lovely to look at and Randy is, as always, a star performer. They have great sex, and both look as though they are enjoying themselves.
Clitora, leader of the Bimbos, announces that she's taking over the world and we find the illustrious general of the armed forces (General Slowmo - Herschel Savage) busy with war games in his office, driving toy tanks over toy soldiers who don't get out of the way fast enough. She dominates him, shags him senseless and he too, is in her power. This was an excellent scene, although we both felt that it would have been a lot better if Clitora (Jewel) had stopped talking about her "hot alien pussy" and just fucked. I felt like yelling "just shut up!". It's a pity, as it detracted from what was an otherwise hot scene.
Slowmo, whilst under the control of Clitora, gives up the research being done by Trent and Judy. Judy's husband also falls prey to Clitora. Judy develops the secret weapon to defeat the three aliens, and it is up to our hero, Trent, to deliver it.
The final scene features Trent and the three aliens enjoying some group sex. Randy is again, a star performer, and Jewel, Kary and Shanna all perform their parts fantastically well. Shanna has her "just a minute while I finish my ciggie" moment. And again, my complaint about Jewel talking throughout her scene is valid, the woman never stopped! And she doesn't just reserve it for when she's being eaten by Randy ("my hot alien pussy will control you", "I order you to make me cum"), but also when she's involved with one of the other girls. The spectacular finale involved Randy spraying all three aliens with radioactive cum, which kills them instantly; one inside the space ship, the other two being chased outside it. I imagine that someone stood behind him with a "Super Soaker" water gun filled with glue, given the volume that was being pumped out. Randy might be a star performer, but not even he could spray that much cum and stay standing. The last bit of the "feature" was a giggle with Serenity making an "unscripted" appearance and Randy commenting on the problems of contract girls.
The second feature is "The Man Made Beast", which is a take on Frankenstein movies. Serenity is a crazed scientist - Dr Shelley - with a monstrous sexual appetite. She is left completely unfulfilled by her Latino lover (Mickey G) who had the temerity to cum before she did. Like the previous feature, it is black and white until the sex scenes, which are in glorious colour. In addition, we also get to see footage of a gothic castle (taken from some old black and white horror flick, no doubt) as the place where she lives.
Actually, this is a really good scene to start with. Mickey G is fairly easy on the eye, and Serenity is amazingly flexible, including one bit where she's standing on one leg, holding the other up in the air near her ear. Actually, that flexibility made me wonder if she'd ever studied ballet. And to quote someone (I can't remember who) "flexibility is almost never overrated".
She complains to her assistant, Tabitha (Sana Fey), that she can't find a man to satisfy her needs. Tabitha (who is her Igor equivalent, with a most impressive hump on her back) asks if she's ever tried a woman instead. Dr Shelley describes her experience with Stephanie Swift which took place some years before. This is a fantastic scene. Both girls put their hearts (parts?) into it, and while I'm not normally a fan of the girl-girl scene, this was both romantic and erotic. The end was both surprising and funny, so I won't spoil it for you. Suffice to say that women aren't enough for her.
As a result, Dr Shelley decides to she needs to create a man to fulfil her needs. After a bit of creative body snatching, she's left missing only one part, the most important part, the penis! She sends Tabitha off to find one and, in a scene reminiscent of the Mel Brooks classic "Young Frankenstein", Tabitha returns with a penis that came from someone called "Abby", "Abby Normal" that is. Penis attached, Dr Shelley goes to find a camera to capture forever, the glory of her creation. In her absence, Tabitha decides to play with the boss's new toy. Bad career move really, using your employer's new sex toy, particularly when there is no doubting afterwards that it has been used. Tabitha brings the monster to life with an impressive blow job. Randy (looking particularly monstrous in the powder blue, ruffled-shirt-front tuxedo of mid-1970s weddings) responds enthusiasticaly, with cries of "Arrh" and "Aaaaarrrggghhhh". Actually, this is all he says through the entire feature.
Well, now the monster is awake, there's no stopping him. He leaves the lab in classic monster style, in his heavy black boots that go so fetchingly with his powder-blue tux. He's on the lookout for pussy!
Next we cut to a scene with a farmer (Anthony Crane, in yet another of his many roles in this film) talking to his equally-hick "daughter" (Ursula Moore) about how men will want to take advantage of her youth and loveliness and she must be protected. With her braids and a slight gap in her teeth, she exudes innocense and "hickness". Daddy disappears for a while to buy her condoms and while he's gone, the monster finds her. He seduces her in the time-honoured tradition of making shagging motions with his crotch and saying "Arrrrrgh" (sigh if only Dave were that romantic). They proceed to have an impressive anal pile-driver (that made me wince). This was a pretty good scene, even without Ursula having any dialogue.
Daddy reappears with the condoms, too late alas, and so we get a "kill the monster" chase scene, including one memorable bit where the monster "disguised" with a pair of Groucho Marx plastic spectacles and moustache and "reading" a newspaper is asked if he's seen the monster. The monster goes to Dr Shelley for help, but the villagers (including Anthony Crane, this time with a slight Scottish accent) take him from her and chain him to a stake for burning. A villager, Daniell Rogers, announces that she must save him and proceeds to unchain him. The other villagers seem a bit non-plussed, particularly when the monster starts banging away at her clothing.
In a scene that covers hours, then later days and weeks, the villagers are left waiting around while she and the monster "fuck". This is actually not a sex scene, with some naked genitalia on her part, but none on his, and still in black and white. After more than two weeks of this, she announces "fuck it, burn him". The villagers grab at him, but wait, there's a surprise ending. I won't spoil it for you, you really need to see it.
The movie is ended with bloopers, which are always pretty funny to watch. There is also commentary that you can turn on. I must admit, I usually don't bother with the director's commentary, even with mainstream stuff. I'm not that interested to sit and watch the movie again with someone talking over the whole thing. As we didn't bother, I can't comment on it. There's a photo gallery, chapter selection, trailers and links. My only criticism of the chapter selection is that it wasn't clear where the second feature started as the still used was for the first. (We watched this over two nights, hence the problem with finding it.)
All in all, this gets a highly recommended from both of us. The hype was worth it (for once). Double Feature is closer to Hercules in its standard, than its sequel, Bride of Double Feature. It is superior to Bride of..., so if you were in an either-or situation, this is the one I would recommend. Or buy both. Jonathan Morgan is a director that we should all be encouraging to make more funny, plot-driven porn.
You can buy Double Feature here through Uncut DVDs in Australia.
