As Dave mentioned recently in his Cock Ring review, the Professor sent us a Xmas box of goodies. In that box was something I never (in my wildest dreams) imagined existed. Head Candy. Lolly mouth guards to wear when giving your lover (male or female) head.
These are bright red, "passionfruit" flavoured jelly things (supposedly like gummi bears) that protect the cock or clit from the dangers of stray teeth. The pack contains both styles - The Gum Job to use on him and The Clitoral Kiss to use on me (the same, but with a little groove cut in the front). I hate gummi products, jelly beans and the like. Far too sweet and I don't like the texture, but as Dave could put aside the fear of his penis dropping off to try the cock rings, I put aside my pretence to good taste to try the Head Candy.
First up, this is not spontaneous. I had to pull off the cardboard label. Then I had to find a pair of scissors to cut the plastic bag open. Then I had to wrestle them out of the bag. Now due to me not reading the labelling properly, I spectacularly failed to notice that the pack contained both sorts, and managed to pull out one of each. In fairness to me, I have to say that the packaging is badly planned, in that the top two candies are one of each sort, and the bottom two are one of each sort. If you (like me) try to only remove what you actually need at the time, you'll get one of each.
Anyway, the instructions on the inside of the cardboard label say to warm the candy to body temperature by holding it in the palm of the hand for 30 seconds. I did. It was a warm and humid Sydney summer's day. And did I mention that this was not spontaneous? I attempted to fit the candy to my bottom teeth as instructed. I pressed and pressed. I felt like I was trying to detach my lower jaw from my skull. 30 seconds of warming (despite the day) was definitely not long enough. I persevered and eventually managed to stick the bright red mouth-guard to my bottom teeth. Then I had to go through it all again on the top teeth. No easier, in fact it was more difficult because I already had a mouth full of candy. By the time I had finished I looked like I had a set of fake plastic lips inside my mouth.
Time to get started. But I had to wait for Dave to stop laughing first. Eventually his mirth subsided to occasional sniggers and I was able to commence work on him. I have to admit, Head Candy is a good idea. In theory. Teeth do cause problems to delicate bits, and when I was first learning, I know Dave did get the occasional scrape from my teeth. But between the Head Candy and his tool in my mouth, I could barely breathe. And forget about swallowing (always difficult to do with an open mouth anyway).
Do you know how difficult it is to give a blow job to a man who's penis is bouncing around with the force of his laughter? That's right, Dave's sniggers grew to full belly-laughs when he saw how much trouble I was having. And the red drool dribbling down my chin from where my saliva was dissolving the Head Candy. And the "passionfruit" flavour that isn't. It tasted more like bubble-gum to me.
In the end, I gave up. I chucked the Head Candy in the bin and rinsed my mouth out. Several times. I washed Dave down. Then I went back to the task at hand. Much easier without the Head Candy. I could breathe and there was no risk of either of us drowning in bright red drool. And he stopped laughing and started moaning instead. Far more satisfactory to both of us.
So there you are. Head Candy is not something I would recommend.Dave's not going to get to try it out on me. Oh, and for those who have given head, and know the strong, salty, sometimes bitter taste that cum has? It's absolutely gross after the excessive sweetness of the Head Candy!
