Another book review for you this week - "Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay" by Deborah Addington. This is a book that turned up in our Xmas box from the Professor, and I confess, not one that I would have purchased. We haven't felt the need to add erotic roleplay to our repertoire; there's the time involved at the end of a long day, there's the lack of child minding to ensure that we don't get interrupted at a crucial moment ("Dad, why does Mum have a blindfold and an apron on? She did the washing up earlier."). You get the picture.
Anyhow, I started reading, in an attempt to find out what we've been missing. Now I'll be honest here, I'm not much into self-help books, and anything that refers to the "Self" and the "Other" (with capitals) usually leaves me cold. The first five chapters of this book relate to giving oneself permission to indulge in silliness and fantasy, and helping the reader to identify their boundaries and whether or not they can be pushed. There are even exercises to do. I really found this section of the book hard going. While the author's work is very worthy, it is fairly heavy going to read.
Chapter 6, Communication, is where things start to get more interesting. The book covers how to identify and flesh out a fantasy, how to describe it to another, but also how to accept that it is not strictly scripted, to allow for variation. Chapter 7 involves negotiating with the other party(ies), including setting limits and safe words.
Section Two of the book covers building the scene, fleshing out the role, so that you've got more of an idea than "I'm a pirate", how to deal with the associated details, and playing out the scene (including suggestions for after it's over). There are also six appendices covering safety, music, a resource guide, glossary, sample negotiation forms and formats, and also a sample of how a fantasy may work, from the initial thought through to fulfilment. To be honest though, sex that involves filling out negotiation forms before starting sounds just a bit too much like hard work to me. But I'm basically lazy.
The book is (as I have said) very worthy, and if you can get past the slow start, it offers some really good advice on how to include erotic roleplay into your sex life.
