I have pink pubes!
Perhaps I should explain that statement further...
In our never-ending quest for review fodder, we have watched crap porn, tried toys, both good and bad, and now I have dyed my pubes. In searching for organic lubes (see the Pink Water review), I stumbled upon an organic pubic hair dye, Glampuss Bikini Line Colour, made by MiniKINI Ltd in the UK. My first reaction was shocked disbelief, but on re-reading it, I got interested.
Oh, and I should point out here, that you shouldn't be reading this site at work. It's never safe for work and this review is, in particular, not safe - there are photos after the jump!
Now as a natural dark brunette, I don't generally bother with hair dyes. My hair hasn't reacted to them well in the past, turning to straw the instant the colour was applied. And the thought of all the effort involved in going blond just hasn't been worth the hassle. Not to mention the expense. Nor the fact that my skin reacts unfavourably to so many things. So I don't do it. Not even to cover up the grey hairs my kids give me. But an organic hair dye (combined with the shock of finding my first white pube) convinced me to give it a go.
I had two colours to choose from, pink and red. I've always fancied being a red-head, so I ordered the red colour. The pack duly arrived and I opened it up. The first thing I have to say was that I could not miss the safety warning on the pack - you have to do a sensitivity test 48 hours before use. Behind the earlobe. I know that the test is important, but couldn't they find somewhere equally sensitive that wasn't quite as obvious? "Well," thought I, "there goes the surprise for Dave. I'm going to need his help with this one." Help duly requested and obtained (and hair covering the spot), I waited for 48 hours to see what would happen. Fortunately nothing did.
In the meantime, we ensured that I had a freshly-waxed thatch to deal with.
Colouring day arrived and we mixed up the hair lightening stuff. At first it smelt rather nice, but once it got activated, it was obvious that there was a chemical reaction going on. It didn't smell too bad, but there was no doubt that something was happening. It said to allow 10-30 minutes depending on how dark the hair is, and given my afore-mentioned colour, we presumed (correctly) that it would need the full time.
I have to digress a little for a moment here. It is winter, and Sydney had just (at the time of initial dyeing) experienced its coldest temperatures in 60-plus years. I had to paint my pubes with lightening cream and leave it on for 30 minutes to bleach the hair. How on earth was I going to keep warm? Well the answer was, I didn't. I have never been so cold in my life.
I tried putting Dave's old tracksuit pants on (the ones that were destined for the bin anyway), working on the theory that as they were being chucked, it didn't matter if they got a bit discoloured. It didn't work. All that happened was that the cream had to be reapplied, as most of it had come off on the pants. I should have put the heater on at that point, but it was a lovely, sunny day, and I thought that the house would warm up more than it did. Covering up not being successful, I ended up having lie on the bed, flat on my back, reading a magazine and airing my bits. Not a good look. The lightening cream was pretty good - the only part which hurt a bit was where it accidentally got on a bit of freshly-waxed, very tender skin, where it shouldn't have been. Once it was wiped off, the rest was fine.
30 minutes and one extremely hot shower later, I was marginally warmer and ready to paint my pubes. The bleaching agent hadn't made me a white blond, but at least the hair was dark blond rather than dark brown. I think I would need at least another 5-10 minutes to go white.
Now the first thing I have to say about this colour is that it isn't a natural hair colour. I mean, the ingredients are all natural... but the colour that your hair ends up isn't. In fact, if anyone had hair this colour naturally, they'd be a freak. Or a circus clown. This is a pinky-red, more like red food colouring (and probably with just as dire staining properties, as I thought, lying on our white bed). Dave gloved up and massaged it on. He only used the tiniest amount and instantly I looked like a traffic accident. 10 minutes and another shower later, 
and I had "red" pubes. Well not really red, more a deep pink. Actually the thing that it reminded me most of, as I stood there, looking down at my unusual thatch, was a red-barked maple tree in winter. We can buy them as bare-rooted trees to plant in winter; they come up from Melbourne, where the bark colours beautifully. Sydney isn't cold enough, so the bark usually reverts to green. Anyway, I have digressed again, but that's what it reminded me of - bare, pinky-red branches.
The dye did stain my skin slightly but some cotton wool and rubbing alcohol took care of most of that. The rest of the staining vanished after around 24 hours. I would advise applying this the day before the orgy/nudist convention/hot tub party/surprise for your husband rather than at the last minute though as stained skin isn't particularly attractive. The pack suggests vinegar as a stain removal tool for skin - I found that uncomfortable both during and after.
Four days later and the colour was still there, although somewhat faded. It is said to last 6-8 washes, but with washing before going to the gym, then showering after, it certainly wasn't as intense as it was to begin with. Once it had faded, it was actually a slightly more believable colour than it had been. With my dark hair and pale skin, the regrowth shows through quickly as the hairs show under my skin.
After a week, the colour was almost gone so we re-applied. We used more colour this time which lead to a darker (but still unbelievable) colour. The dark roots mean I now have two tone hair the bottom half-centimetre or so dark brown, the top bright pinky-red, which looks more than a little bit odd.
So would I do it again? Well we've got half the lightening stuff left and a huge container of the dye, so probably. My skin has coped with it, and my pubes don't feel like straw. From that point of view, it's a success. From Dave's perspective it's not so good. As I mentioned earlier, it's very cold here in Sydney, and I don't tend to wander around naked now, like I do in summer. That means that the only glimpse that he gets is a quick dive under the covers, just prior to going to sleep. I have to say, this would be far more impressive on someone with a really thick patch, like a 70s porn star. Mine was sparse to begin with, and it is waxed to get it more in proportion, so there's not much to work with.
Now that's just given me a thought. Dave's hairy, perhaps I could pin him down and paint his pubes red....
