Us Reviewing Things

As many of you will have realised by now, I enjoy trying out new things, and I particularly like wooden dildos. Specifically, a wooden dildo, that I got hold of some time back. Well, having experienced the joys of one, I decided to try another.

And so it came to pass that a shiny, beautiful new cherry wood dildo entered my life. Its size was a little on the large side, but I thought to myself, "it's thick, as well as long. I don't have to put it all in, and girth is more important". When it arrived and I saw it in the flesh though, it was quite a bit bigger than I had imagined. It was, frankly, intimidating, and Dave immediately nicknamed it "Thud". Those old jokes about something the size of a baby's arm were suddenly appropriate. But, I thought, how bad could it be? So I psyched myself up and gave it a thorough trying-out.

A slight tangent here... I have pondered before whether perhaps I am on the small side down below. I do have fairly tight pelvic muscles, which are used regularly to Dave's advantage in milking him. And I do my pelvic floor exercises (known as Kegel exercises to our US readers). Perhaps it is simply that having had, due to medical reasons, C-sections to deliver the children, my pussy is (as it were) "honeymoon-fresh". Whatever the reason, I am tight down there, and as a result, I find anything too large is uncomfortable.

So, how did the dildo go? Lots of lube was used to start it off, and I gently inserted it. I have to say that it wasn't too bad going in. I felt very full, but it was OK. Moving it in and out was slightly more of a challenge, but it was still OK. Actually, once I got used to it, it was pretty good. I even gave the ridged handle end a try, which was interesting. The problems arose when I started cumming. I, like most women I imagine, squeeze the pelvic muscles when cumming. Usually, I'm squeezing something warm, giving and delicate to the touch, like Dave's cock. This time, it was hard, unyielding and, frankly, painful. Cumming hurt, pulling it out hurt. My pussy hurt. Dave didn't get any action after that, I was too sore. (Don't worry, he got a blow job instead.) My beautiful, if intimidating, dildo was a dud.

This is what it looks like.

And here's something for comparison.

Now I don't know what to do with the thing. I can't chuck it in a fireplace (we don't have one, and in any case, it has a coating of polyurethane, and I don't know how safely that would burn). I can't give it away as it has been used. I don't want to chuck it out, as it is beautiful to look at. It is too obviously a dildo to use it as an ornament. I definitely won't use it again.

I think I'm going to have to start a separate box and fill it with the dud toys. There's been a few of them over the years, and I am reluctant to chuck out something that I've spent my hard-earned cash on. If anyone has any ideas of what to do with it, please leave me a comment.