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Us Reviewing Things

Memories within Miss Aggie

Another classic this week. This time it's Memories Within Miss Aggie, produced in 1974 by Gerard Damiano (who brought us The Devil in Miss Jones). Apparently this was his idea of what would happen to Justine Jones if she hadn't killed herself and ended up in hell. Doesn't sound very light and breezy does it? And indeed it isn't. This was a rather dark film. Actually it was a lot dark. It was porn meets Psycho.

Aggie (Deborah Ashira) is an old lady who lives in a small cottage in the country with Richard (Patrick L Farrelly) her wheelchair-bound and not very talkative husband. The problem is that Aggie can't remember how they met. She keeps trying to remember and it distresses her that she can't, so she keeps making up fantasies.

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Sex Wars

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In keeping with our recent run of parodies of famous movies, we have another movie review for you this week, this time Sex Wars, which was released in 1985 and was billed as a Star Wars parody. It stars a bunch of people who we've seen often enough to think "Oh that face/penis/breast is familiar", it had Paul Thomas (last seen in Little Girls Blue), Robin Cannes and Richard Pacheco as the three main characters.

Basically Paul Thomas is Brinker Duo (Han Solo, the tall dude) and Richard Pacheco is Mark Starkiller (Luke Skywalker, the short dude) and Robin Cannes is Princess Layme. Geddit, geddit... see what they did with Leia? At least the short dude wasn't as whiny as Luke Skywalker was. Now, I confess, I'm not nearly as much of a Star Wars tragic as Dave is, but I really struggled with this. Apart from the character names and the fact that there were two guys and one girl, there wasn't much to relate it to Star Wars. Each sex scene was cut with shots of volcanoes erupting and lava flowing. Production-wise it reminded me of Flesh Gordon in the shaky sets and we had a heated discussion about whether the exterior shots of the space ship were made from Lego building blocks (I think it was, Dave doesn't).

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This Ain't Star Trek XXX

Parody porn has been the big thing over the last few years and no parody was bigger than This Ain't Star Trek XXX from Hustler. The hype was huge. Evan Stone had his hair cut for his role as James T Kirk (and his mono-brow waxed). It had a cast of big names (Cheyne Collins, Tony DeSergio, Nick Manning, Jada Fire, Ero Sennin, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey and more). I'm a huge Star Trek tragic. This had everything going for it. So why am I so disappointed?

I'm not the only one either. 2009 was the year of parody porn. Every second title seemed to be another "This Ain't..." production. Star Trek is just crying out for parodies (I reviewed an earlier effort here - Sex Trek). This had a cast of big names, a huge marketing budget, perfect source material and a massive production budget. And yet it only managed one lousy nomination (best supporting actor for heavens sake.. not even one of the important ones) in the 2009 AVN awards. Why did it do so badly when it had so much going for it?

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